I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
