My friends, they love my intelligence
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you would pick up someone in the library
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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