Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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