You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The beer is more important than you right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
