Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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