Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
