1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
operation have a gay friend backfired
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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