I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
