my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
