Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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