Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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