What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
