Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
