dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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