so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
