I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i need some magic done to my vagina
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
