My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
