She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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