We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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