Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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