No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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