Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
