New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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