Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
