I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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