you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
