you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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