definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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