I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
