oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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