Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
