Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
