so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
