How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
