hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
