His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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