His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
