I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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