just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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