Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
