I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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