ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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