I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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