I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
