My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is wine microwaveable?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
