after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
