WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
