ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
