She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
