Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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