matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
