I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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