I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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