Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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