hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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