he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
