my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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