im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
