guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
