Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cockslap morals
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
